1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure
  they're equal.
 2. You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your
  child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
 3. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
 4. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
 5. You child throws up, and you catch it.
 6. Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.
 7. You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
 8. You mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes
  and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
 9. Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud
  in the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet, in the
  lobby of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.
10. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your
  husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and
  checking on the kids.
11. You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one
  your child eats.
 12. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, while your
  child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
 13. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
 14. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
 15. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get
  that disease.
 16. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into
  unusual shapes.
 17. You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots
  Bambi's mother.
 18. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
 19. You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during
  his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without
  looking back the second time.
20. You can't bear to give away baby clothes -- it's so final.
21. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when
  you say, "Not in your good clothes!"
 22. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
 23. You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions
  a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.
 24. You say at least once a day, I'm not cut out for this job,
  but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.